Sunday, 29 November 2009

The Texter Nazi

One thing that really gets me going is when people text or talk on their phones in the movie theatre.  The Young Adults always joke about mom's big brown eyes, boring into the rogue texter's head.  "Muv will be watching the movie, and next minute, her head will jerk in the direction of a mobile phone's lighted screen. It's best not to make eye contact, 'cos she'll ask you to call the usher..."


The Machinist took me to see Twighlight: New Moon. Our seats were allocated;  - row Q, - which was one row from the back, on the right hand side.  Seat numbers 19 and 20.  The Machinist took seat 19, which was right next to an Indian chap.  I was on the end of the row, which suited me nicely, thank-you-very-much, as my plan was to hustle down to the toilets, return to my seat and drop my shoes off. 

Bliss.

It wasn't long into the movie, when I caught the Machinist's head jerk towards the Indian chap next to him.  "Excuse me. Would you mind turning that thing off?", he asked.  The Indian chap couldn't switch his phone off fast enough and promptly assumed a rigor mortis position.  I really don't think he dared to breath.

Later, a bright light appeared in row O, two rows in front of us on the opposite side of the isle.  Without warning, the Machinist leapt out of his seat, passed me by and was about to make his way down the steps, when he stumbled and took a flying swan dive towards the texter.  "Oh, no!", I thought..."he's tripped on my shoes..."

The Machinist landed with one hand on the back of Mr Texter's seat. I couldn't hear what he was saying, but he was pointing to the exit.  When he returned to the safety of his own seat, I asked him what he had said.  "I told him to put the phone away, or leave".  (Translated, for censorship purposes).  "..And what did he reply?"

"He looked at me with pure fear written all over his face and said 'I'm so sorry' in a startled rabbit kind of way.  I was so mad at myself for tripping the way I did, that's why I swore at him..."

"Sorry you tripped on my shoes..."
"No, it wasn't your shoes, it was the umbrella we bought for Sarah. I did the Irish jig with the brolly"
"Oh..." I couldn't even look at him at this point, as I hadn't been to the toilets as I had planned.
"I probably looked like John Steed and people would be thinking 'who's this old fart that takes his umbrella with him two days in advance of rain, - just in case'"

Aaah...The Machinist: My Hero.

7 comments:

John Atkinson said...

Great blog. I can identify.

ADRIAN said...

Aye the best of intentions! Nice quiet night out then.

French Fancy said...

Sounds a fun evening - I also hate texters.

Snooty Primadona said...

OMG! I am still laughing and snorting. Very funny stuff and you just can't make that sh*t up.

It drives us crazy too... okay, maybe just me. But come on! I remember the days when you heard nothing but the movie in a movie theater.

Excellent, funny post!

Ken Devine said...

That was so funny! Bev went to see the same film but without the fireworks!

the watercats said...

You'll be pleased to know I don't even carry a mobile. I own one, it has been dead for several months and without credit and I refuse to spend my life carrying one. I'd never have the balls to ask someone to turn one off though! :0)

matron said...

I can picture the the whole event,as you described it so well,hilarious .
The machinist sounds just like my other half.